I am sure you have seen this problem lately: People who have been in a job or have had a thriving business get side-swiped by the unexpected and are suddenly not in a secure financial place anymore. When things are good or even OK, we tend to simply hope things will not change and we are not very motivated to keep investing in our future. I know I have been lazy like that and maybe you have, too. The sad thing is that most people don’t seem to have the foresight to expect the unexpected and do something about it.

Not so very long ago the general population thought that once you had completed formal education you were done with learning. People who believe they are already educated and can rely solely on their past achievements can’t meet today’s challenges and will lose to intense global competition and new technology.

Anyone who expects to keep up today must be devoted to lifelong learning.
An important point to consider is that if you box yourself into a company with just one career or one vision, what happens to you if that company perishes? The same concept applies to relationships; if you depend on another person to take care of you and support you, what happens if suddenly that support system is no longer there?

Victims learn too late. It is never wise to depend on the company, the boss or another person to take care of you. According to Charles Garfield, author of the book Peak Performers, “People now must expect to learn new jobs, two or three times in their lives.” This is because change is happening so fast that our past skills and knowledge can no longer support us for a lifetime. If we do not learn new skills, we have no way of achieving upward mobility or any personal security.

Our real source of wealth in life is the information, knowledge, and energy we have inside of us for taking action. We must make new choices by learning, training, experimentation, and integration of new information.
When you have a clear and compelling view of the benefits of learning, you will strongly influence your own future and the attitudes of the people around you. New training will open up your mind for creative ways to enhance your life and prosperity. Think of your mind like a parachute, it only works when opened!

There are so many subjects available to learn about; time and stress management, negotiation skills, leadership and management, relationships, and even parenting skills that can give you new options and new choices. Today’s opportunities for growth and expansion through self-education are incredibly varied. There are hundreds of professional seminars, training workshops, college extension courses, video and audio learning cassettes, coaching groups, and a multitude of resourceful books for you to choose from. It’s important that you take advantage of these resources if you want to be successful — don’t try to reinvent the wheel. The new knowledge you gain now will make the difference in your future; from your advancement potential to the way you cope daily with your life and family.

Adult learning has been revolutionized like almost everything else in your life. Even if you hated being a student before, you now have the power to choose what you’re interested in and wish to learn. This new type of mindset will result in an entirely new set of values and resources. Everything you learn can be used in some way, — all of your skills are transferable. When you change your view of who you are and what you are capable of learning, you change your destiny. You are no longer merely reacting to the present, you are creating your upcoming future by anticipating your learning needs. Adapting your skills to those needs and taking action by following through with this type of behavior gives you the power to deal with whatever changes you encounter.

Lee Milteer is an internationally known Performance & Productivity Coach, TV Personality, and Speaker who has counseled and trained over a million people throughout her career. Lee is the founder of the Millionaire Smarts® Coaching Program and is also a best-selling author of educational resources like Success is An Inside Job and Overcoming Unproductive Behaviors. Find out more and sign up for no-cost success resources at www.milteer.com.

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This is a topic that could fill four newsletters, but I want to mention some points about grains that I feel strongly about.

First let’s talk about gluten.

Gluten is a protein found in wheat, rye, barley, and spelt, and is a contaminant in most oats as they are often shipped or processed with wheat. Gluten-free diets are becoming well-known now, and many scientific studies are showing that gluten intolerance is much more common than previously suspected.

In my experience, about 70% of people feel better off of wheat. These improvements can be in a wide variety of areas, including all areas of digestive and eliminative health and comfort, but also, depression, sinus, sleep, acne, arthritis, fatigue, headaches, autoimmune disorders, neurological concerns, and much more.

Experimenting with a wheat -free, or gluten-free, or even GRAIN-FREE diet is something I encourage everyone to do for several months, at least.

Secondly, let’s talk grains, in general.

Grains are the seeds of plants. Rice, corn, and all the gluten grains come from grass. Yes, they are grass seed! Other grains are the seeds of non-grass plants such as small shrubs or vines. Buckwheat, amaranth and quinoa are examples of these.

And then there are all the seeds and nuts such as almonds, pine nuts and pistachios, only a few of which are actually nuts, as most are really seeds. Finally, beans are the seeds of vegetables.

ALL SEEDS (and therefore grains) are difficult to digest, as they contain harsh exterior coatings to protect themselves from mold, rot, and from being eaten. And they contain Phytic Acid, an anti-nutrient that actually pulls out minerals from your body.

Eating seeds, beans and grains without first soaking them puts a digestive strain on the stomach and gut. These foods will not fully break down, and their starchy remnants ferment, causing gas, bloating, and a home for candida yeast and bacteria.

Soaking and fermenting these begins the digestive process by partially breaking down the exterior coating and some of the cellulose.

The second problem with all seeds is the Phytic Acid they contain. Phytic Acid is known as an anti-nutrient, because it blocks us from obtaining nutrients in the food, especially the minerals. For anyone eating lots of grains, seeds or beans, you may be creating calcium, magnesium, iron and zinc deficiencies. (And yes, when I say grains, I mean cereal, bread, pasta, rice, tortillas, beans and all those other common foods).

Grains contain other anti-nutrients such as tannins which irritate the lining of the intestine, and complex proteins that are difficult to break down.

So, we want to eat only what we can digest. Sounds like a good basic rule, yes?

Soaking grains, oats, and beans at room temperature for 12 to 24 hours IN A SLIGHTLY ACID MEDIUM, and then draining them, helps enormously. Do this by adding a tablespoon of vinegar, whey (the liquid off your yogurt), or lemon juice to your soaking water (preferably filtered water). Gluten containing grains would be even better if left to sprout after their initial soaking, and then cooking them. Seeds should also be soaked in water with some salt added, for 4 to 24 hours. Once soaked, they will only keep for 2 days in the refrigerator, or, you can dehydrate them at the lowest temperature in your oven, and they will keep for months.

You can also buy Sprouted Grain breads in the freezers of any health food store. Well known brands are Ezekiel Bread, Manna Bread and Alvarado Street Bakery. So far, no one has made a Sprouted Grain cereal that I know of.

For more info on easy and exact ways to soak and use nuts, seeds and grains, see our favorite book, Sally Fallon’s “Nourishing Traditions”.

PS. You can add digestive enzymes to your meals to help break starch down. There are several that are specially made for starch digestion.

Brought to you by the Diet & Health Center - www.dietandhealthcenter.info.

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When it comes to relationships, if there’s one issue that stands out as a major problem and one that can be changed with a little attitude adjustment, it’s this…

The way you talk to each other.

It’s not only the words you say, but it’s the way you say them and your intention behind those words that make all the difference in the world whether you create connection or disconnection with the other person.

The funny thing is that a lot of the way we talk to one another seems to be automatic and we don’t really think about it–maybe until it’s too late.
In times of stress, we find ourselves repeating words or phrases that were said to us by those we loved, even though those words didn’t feel good when we heard them.

Susie remembers that even though she and her mom had a great relationship and there was lots of love between them, her mom was full of “shoulds” of how Susie needed to act in certain situations–and Susie wasn’t always happy about acting in those ways.

Wouldn’t you know that in Susie’s first marriage, as well as this marriage with Otto, she carried the “shoulds” into them. Even if she wouldn’t say anything, her attitude and demeanor said they needed to do something other than what they were doing.

In other words, they were wrong and she was right.

The two of us found out that you can’t build the alive, passionate relationship that lasts if it’s built on “shoulds.”

Susie had to become conscious of her thoughts and what she truly valued rather than what her mom valued and speak from that authentic place inside her. She also had to learn to honor and understand Otto’s ways of being and not put him down for being different from her ways. Now of course, you can come up with toxic phrases that can wreck your relationship without learning them from someone else.

The point is to become conscious of what you’re saying to those you love and make sure that you’re building connection instead of tearing the two of you apart.

Here are 5 toxic phrases for you to become aware of, even if they’re just thoughts, and change them to more empowering ones that create more love…

Toxic Phrase #1: You should…
Even though you may not mean it this way, when you use this phrase, you imply that the other person isn’t capable of living their life and making healthy decisions, especially to your satisfaction. It’s certainly implied that your loved one isn’t good enough the way he or she is.

“Help me to understand how you’re feeling (or what you’re thinking)”

Then when you understand the situation or problem from your loved one’s point of view, ask if he or she wants a suggestion. We know that it’s very easy to slip into the habit of “you should”–(Susie still finds herself saying it) but it’s also easy to stop when you remember how this can drive a wedge between you and others.

Toxic Phrase #2: You never… or You always…
When you use global phrases like “you never” or “you always,” the other person usually does these two things…

Pulls away from you and automatically gets defensive. Defensiveness can come out as aggression–coming back at you with anger or it can come out as withdrawal–either physically or emotionally withdrawing and sometimes both.

When you look deeply at the issues that spark the “you never…” and “you always…” comments, if you look hard enough, you’ll find exceptions.

You’ll find places where the other person acted in the opposite way that you’re so globally accusing him or her of doing.

For instance, if you say something like this, “You never help with the kids,” if you look at his or her actions outside of your irritation and finger-pointing, you’ll see that there were instances of help given.

Make a powerful, specific request like–”I need some help with the kids. Would you be willing to do something like give them a bath on Tuesday evenings?” Not difficult and invites a “yes” or “no” answer, as well as provides an opening to discuss what might work for both of you.

Toxic Phrase #3: It’s all your fault…
It’s just human nature to blame the other person when things go wrong. Even if you don’t use those words, you can withdraw, close yourself up and not let the other person in for days or even years when you think that it’s all his or her fault. No matter how “enlightened” we are, for most of us, our initial reaction is to poke around until we find where the other person went wrong. The problem with “It’s all your fault” is that it never is. There’s always something that we can see if we look that would not be considered the other person’s fault. When you think it’s someone else’s fault, even though you don’t realize it, you’re thinking, as the dictionary says, that it’s a “weakness in character.”

Not a way to keep the lines of communication open, right? Take “fault” out of your vocabulary and look for solutions instead.

Toxic Phrase #4: It’s all my fault…
Just as toxic to relationships as blaming someone else is to always blame yourself–no matter what happens.

It’s maddening to see someone you love constantly becoming a victim and saying “I’m sorry”–but then nothing else happens after that. When you (or anyone) use this phrase, it can be an underhanded way of escaping from looking for a solution and learning from whatever happened so that it isn’t repeated. If you or someone you love is consciously or unconsciously using this phrase when things go wrong, you can stop the action and say something like this…

“Instead of looking for fault, let’s talk about how we can do this differently the next time so it’s a win/win for both of us.”

If you’re a person who takes more than your share of responsibility for what you perceive is wrong, stop and ask yourself if this is bringing the two of you closer or is it taking you further apart.

You may be taking all the blame because you don’t want to destroy the peace that you have in your relationship because if you actually say what’s true for you, the other person will react maybe with upset or violence.

If this is the case with you, start finding ways–small ways–for you to be truthful–and if you’re in a potentially violent situation, don’t stand for it, get out.

The point is that if you find that you’re often using this phrase or your partner is, see the red flags that are warning you to make some changes in your relationship.

Toxic Phrase #5: I can’t…
Of all the phrases we’ve mentioned, “I can’t” can be the most defeating.
When you say “I can’t,” you’re implying that you’re giving up, defeated and you’re at a dead end.

Here are some examples of what “I can’t” might mean…

*I can’t stand it when you…
*I can’t take it any longer…
*I can’t control you (or myself)…

The problem with “I can’t” is that there’s no opening for something better to happen. This phrase stops any positive suggestion or action. Instead of “I can’t,” you can tell the other person how you’re feeling using words like “frustrated” or “afraid”–and talk about what you want.

Also listen to what the other person wants and see if anywhere in there is a match for the two of you to find a way to be together. Remember you always have choice. And one of those choices is to use words that invite openness and cooperation instead of closing to one another. You can make some big changes in your relationship if you pay attention to the words you use and your thoughts behind those words.

By Susie & Otto Collins, Magic Relationship Words

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